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Vienna, 1914
The church was empty apart from an old woman praying or sleeping in one of the pews far off toward the front. Father Jakob Hafner, the middle-aged priest on duty that day, had been immersed in his own thoughts when a young man entered the confessional, knelt down, crossed himself and folded his hands with the flawless reverence that comes from years of practice. He let out a little sigh before he spoke, his voice soft and calm.
“Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. It has been twelve years since my last confession.”
His dialect betrayed the fact that he was not from the city, but this was hardly a rare thing. St. Stephen’s attracted visitors from every corner of the Empire, some of whom barely spoke a word of German. The good Father Hafner tried to welcome everyone with equal sentiments, but truth be told he was always particularly glad to see anyone under the age of thirty as their transgressions tended to be juicier and a sight more substantial than those of his major demographic.
“May God enlighten your heart and give you true recognition of your sins and His mercy,” he recited impassively.
“Amen.”
The young man paused a moment to reflect, then he began.
“My sins are many in number, and primarily of a sexual nature. I do not feel that I can list them in order of severity, for they are all mortal sins and your judgement of right and wrong is far more… finely tuned than my own, Father. So I shall instead confess them in the order which I committed them… if that is alright.”
“Very well,” the confessor said with an inward smile as he settled back in his chair. It was not often that he got to hear confessions of this nature; a shame, really, as they were his favourite. While a number of Catholics came to this particular cathedral to anonymously confess, the majority of those who frequently availed themselves of the Sacrament were elderly women with too little to do and even less to feel guilty about.
When the young man began his words came slowly but with relative confidence, given his age.
“Ten years ago I lusted after a girl. I entertained impure thoughts about her, obtained physical pleasure from these thoughts and did not seek absolution. I indulged in this sin on numerous occasions thereafter, despite adequate reflection and full awareness of the seriousness of the sin. I stopped going to confession around this time but continued to partake of Communion regularly although I was not in a state of grace and thus unfit to do so.”
A long pause followed, during which the priest couldn’t help but feel he had prematurely got his hopes up about his mysterious penitent. Trying not to let his disappointment come across he asked, “Is there anything else you wish to confess, my son?”
“Yes, Father,” the young man replied, and after another few seconds of reflection he went on.
“I lost my purity to a woman and entered into a casual sexual relationship with her which took place while I was still living under my parents’ roof. Around this time I also had sex with a young woman who I knew to be a virgin; I consented to sex with a male friend and I repeated this sin on no fewer than one hundred and twenty occasions. The number is probably higher, Father, but I cannot say for certain how many times it was exactly. I indulged in lustful thoughts and obtained physical gratification from them on numerous occasions. I cannot recall how many. I engaged in sexual acts with two young women who were sisters, during which intercourse was deliberately avoided and I also took part in an orgy during which I engaged in sex with three women and a man.”
The priest very nearly let slip a comment but checked himself in time. After quickly gathering himself and feigning an air of neutrality he said, “I see. Is that all?”
“No, Father,” the young man answered before carrying on.
“During my time at University I abused a position of trust and authority and corrupted a virgin by pressing her to engage in sexual acts with me, during which intercourse was deliberately avoided. I repeated these actions with her on no fewer than a dozen occasions. I consented to various sexual practices with a fellow male student, including sodomy, on no fewer than seventy occasions. I also engaged in sex with a prostitute.”
He paused once more, as though taking stock in his mind before he continued.
“On separate and recurring occasions I encouraged six fellow female students to perform sexual acts on me, during which intercourse was deliberately avoided. One of them after she had promised herself to another man. I entertained impure thoughts about a young woman after she was married to my best friend. I also lusted after a number of young women I knew and many I did not know. I intentionally became intoxicated, thereby placing myself in occasion of sin, and consented to sex with a male teacher…whose wife I also entertained lustful thoughts about. These are the sins I committed before my twentieth year.”
The young man fell silent. When the priest did not speak he shifted his position slightly. Sounding a bit unsure of himself for the first time, he added, “Shall I move on to the more recent ones, Father?”
© Hanna Loftus
